Reflecting on Memories (Edward)

[Bella Cullen]

Bella gazed out the window of Edward's speeding, silver Volvo at the scenery that they were passing. They were heading towards Fork's High School, at request of Bella. It was getting to the middle of July and her time was growing shorter, and her time as a human was coming to a close. She combed her fingers through her thick, windblown hair and let out a heaving sigh.
A few minutes passed before Bella realized that they had stopped and were in the parking lot. Bella kept her gaze towards the outside, where she no longer saw the landscapes of rainy Forks flying by her. All her brown eyes saw now was the tall buildings of her former high school….that once were, but would never be again.

Bella took one more deep breath and composed her face, into something she thought was reasonable for his belief. She turned her newly collected self towards Edward and stared into his amber, never ending eyes. How beautiful he was, and how soon she would be too. She would be not as beautiful of course, but at least she would be close…in a way.

In only mere weeks she would be one of them, finally, but she still would be doing the one thing she dreaded….leaving. Bella would be leaving the world that she had always known, and entering a new. She would be leaving the light and entering the dark. All of these thoughts streamed through Bella’s head as she gazed at her fiancé.

“I can’t believe we just graduated a month ago. It seems like we haven’t been here for years. Do you find it strange that you will never be back? I mean it’s funny that none of you will be back next year.” She told him, thinking and talking at the same time. Bella then continued, “Edward, I-I just can’t believe…I just can’t believe I am getting married.” Bella said, in a semi exasperated tone. “Edward, I love you and I’m getting married and going to be with you forever!” She semi shouted.

She, at that moment got out of the car, and ran clumsily over to Edward’s side. She opened the door and half pulled him, or at least as much as she could, out of his car.
“Come let’s walk. Please, I want to relive what I know I might not remember.” Bella told him sincerely, kissing him on the cheek, and wrapping his arm around her waist.

[lara]

ooc: This is SO horrendously long. Sorry in advance! I couldn't stop once I got started. *dies*

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The Volvo's engine roared as Edward pressed down on the accelerator, pedal almost level to the floor. But the whirl of the passing scenery and the high speed at which they were traveling wasn't what captured his attention. Instead, he chose to study Bella out of the corner of his eye, watching her as she stared almost wistfully out the window. Her request to visit their old high school had come as something of a surprise. But this was what Edward wanted for her. He wanted her to be aware of everything she was giving up. He wanted her to be certain, without any possibility of doubt, that she was willing to give up a chance at human life. All for him. He grimaced, returning his eyes to the road.

You don't deserve her. You're not worth it. You're ruining her life.

These were the thoughts he had to fight back down constantly. He was incapable of thinking differently, and probably would be incapable of thinking differently until the day he ceased to be, if it ever came. But it didn't matter. No matter how wretched he considered himself to be for stealing this angel, he knew it was beyond his ability to stay out of her life. He needed her. Loved her. More than anything. More than himself. For better or worse. It was too late to turn back now, and even if it wasn't, he didn't think he could.

He slowed the car to a stop as they reached the empty parking lot. The school looked as unremarkable as it always had. The fact that no students were milling about it only intensified the desolateness. But his eyes weren't on the empty buildings. They were focused on Bella, taking in the way she was studying the school. Edward tried to decipher her expression, holding back the ever present sigh of frustration that came whenever he was reminded of the fact that her thoughts were forbidden to him. How desperately he wished he could see into her mind. Especially at that moment. She seemed...sad, somehow. The possibility of this made his unbeating heart clench painfully.

But then her eyes met his and his breath caught. She was so very beautiful. He lifted a hand to brush a strand of her hair behind her ear as she spoke, resisting the urge to lean forward and capture her lips with his. Instead he smiled.

"Strange? No. Moving onward is something we've grown used to over the years. Suffering through the trivialities of high school isn't exactly one of the highlights of this life we lead. The only thing that made this one bearable was you." He lifted her hand and brought it to his lips. But before he could blink, Bella's exasperated and excited tone filled the small space, and suddenly she had leapt out of the car and was opening his door, rather than the usual vice versa. He laughed and allowed her to pull him out, wrapping his arm around her waist as he shut the car door with a swift kick behind him. He pulled her close, burying his face in her neck as he kissed the delicate skin there, smiling against the flesh.

"You are the most delightful creature I've ever encountered," he said, his voice low. They stayed that way for a moment before Bella pulled them both forward, suggesting they walk. Edward offered no protest and wrapped his arm securely around her, slowing his longer gait to match hers. But her words pained him. He wanted to tell her she had a choice. That she didn't have to do this. That he'd love her no matter what happened or which path she chose. But he knew that Bella knew this. Edward had made it painstakingly clear what his thoughts were about her being turned, just as she had made her thoughts clear. He had to accept the fact that this was what she wanted. No matter how selfish it made him feel for being the reason she gave up her life.

"Do you remember your first day here?" he asked suddenly. They walked at an easy pace beside one another. He looked down at her, smiling slightly as any trace of the painful thoughts he'd been having not a moment before slowly vanished.

"I was so intrigued by you. The small human girl whose thoughts were kept from me...." He smiled again as he remembered that hellish first day.

"We've come a long way, haven't we?" he asked, chuckling faintly.

[Bella Cullen]

Bella smiled at Edward’s compliments and delightful words. She looked up at him, trying to interpret his expression and to see what he was thinking about. She looked into his eyes again as he pulled her closer to him. Bella thought she saw, for a second, a hint of pain in his eyes, but as soon as she saw it, it was gone. Bella winked at Edward as he smiled down at her.

“Of course I remember my first day. It’s weird; it feels like it was just yesterday. I remember the first time I saw you…you were so beautiful and….different, I knew I had to meet you. As well I was intrigued by you. You fascinated me. And then when we were in biology together, and you were so…cold, I was so frustrated because I couldn’t figure out why. Bella paused for a minute, picturing the things she had just said, then continued. “I remember Mike asked me if I stabbed you with a pencil because he had never seen you that mad. And whenever I was with you…Mike got so jealous. It was kind of funny, but I also feel sorry for him.” Bella finished, chuckling.

“Your right, we HAVE come a long way. We have come a VERY long way.” She answered him sincerely. Bella smiled when Edward chuckled. She loved his laugh. It was so pure, so musical, like his voice. No one could speak and dazzle her like Edward could. No one could even come close. Bella fixed her eyes on the scenery that they passed. As she looked at everything, memories came flooding back to her of what happened there.

As they walked by the building that the gym was in, horror stories of her gym class came back to her. She shuddered as she thought of them. Bella defiantly wanted to forget those. As her and Edward walked further around the school, more memories came swooping on her. Some of them were like this: The time that Edward and Mike had helped her to the clinic because she had fainted during biology. Another was, as they drew nearer to the parking lot that is, was when she had almost got killed by Tyler’s minivan, but Edward had saved her.

While they continued on in the parking lot, Bella’s head felt like it was going to explode. She stopped suddenly and closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind. Bella leaned her head against Edward’s cold body, her eyes still shut, feeling the coolness of his skin.
“It’s so overwhelming! Why am I remembering all of this now?” She said, more to herself then out loud.

“I just want to get it over with Edward!” Bella nearly shouted, her eyes starting to fill with tears. She buried her face into her love and started pounding his chest for no reason, trying to get out the frustration she was feeling, but she forgot one thing…Edward was as hard as marble and it didn’t feel very good to hit him. Bella quickly realized this, and stopped her pounding, but did not bring her face up to his.

“I love you so much.” She said. Bella at that moment paused, a smile along with a quizzical look suddenly appearing on her face through her tears. “I do have one question though. Will I remember any of this? Any of my human life…when I am a….vampire?” She asked hesitantly cringing when she said the last word, knowing that he didn’t like saying it, and/ or hearing it and then looking up at his face, trying to see if his expression had changed at all.

Bella, continuing to gaze at his face, suddenly remembered something Aro had said a year ago when they had met him in Italy.
“Edward, last year what did Aro mean when he said I was going to be…a good prospect and that he would like to see how I turned out when I was one of you? Is there something special about me? Am I going to have special powers or be different? Do you know? Does Alice?” She asked honestly.

Bella was now, as the time was getting closer, getting more curious about what her life was going to be like in a few mere weeks. About what her future was…about how she was going to turn out.

[lara]

Edward smiled as he reminisced with Bella. He chuckled at the mention of Mike and his jealousy, remembering the boy's intense hatred of him.

"Yes, well, you couldn't hear what Newton was thinking all those times in Biology. I lost count of how many fantasies he had that ended in my death. Most of them were quite amusing, actually," Edward recalled with a grin.

They walked on in silence, their footsteps echoing softly off of the concrete walls of the empty buildings. A flood of memories washed over him in the meantime. The first time he spoke to Bella that day in Biology...saving her from Tyler's van...carrying her in his arms to the nurse's office...how beautiful she looked the night of the prom and the way she fit so perfectly in his arms as he held her through the twilight...

He gave a small smile and came back to the present, looking to Bella as she gazed around them. But the smile faded when he realized she looked troubled. He was about to ask her what was wrong when she stopped and rested her head on his chest. His arms wrapped around her automatically and his brows furrowed as he listened to her speak.

“It’s so overwhelming! Why am I remembering all of this now?" she was saying. I just want to get it over with Edward!”

He was surprised when her fists began pounding his chest, but he allowed her to do it, knowing she needed to get her frustration out. He remained silent as she cried but pulled her closer until her fists fell to her sides.

"Bella, shhh....it's alright....shhh," he whispered to her, murmuring the words of comfort into her ear while his hands rubbed her back soothingly. He smiled when she told him she loved him and kissed her temple before pulling her away slowly so he could see her.

"I love you too," he said, brushing his thumb across her tear-stained cheek. "You are my world, Bella."

He waited for her lips to lift upward into that smile he loved so much, and he found that he didn't need to wait long. But it was followed almost immediately with a different look and her brown eyes filled with question.

“I do have one question though. Will I remember any of this? Any of my human life…when I am a….vampire?”

Edward couldn't help the grimace that came to his lips at the word 'vampire'. But he listened to her multitude of questions, frowning when Aro came up as well. But she had every right to wonder about these things. It was just taking him a while to get used to the fact that Bella would be one of them soon. He wasn't entirely sure he'd ever get used to it. But just because he wasn't happy about it didn't mean that she had no right to ask about her future as a vampire, so he tried to smooth his expression and answer her as best he could.

"Every vampire is different, but you'll remember your...human life...yes," he said, carefully trying to mask the flash of pain that went through his eyes. He met her gaze again and sighed, bringing his hand up to cup her cheek. "It's not as if you'll wake up and not know who you are, love. You'll still be you. You'll still be Bella. Memories fade, but we always keep the ones we don't want to forget. Look at Rosalie. She remembers her human life in great detail. And it's because she didn't want to forget it. I remember flashes of my life. Vague memories of my mother and father. Alice is different because she was kept in the dark most of her life. So you see?" he asked, smiling a little as he tucked her hair behind her ear. "You won't forget."

He lowered his hand and grasped her own. "As for Aro," he went on, pausing to push down the small flare of anger as he recalled the older vampire's words back in Volterra. "It's...possible he could be right. The fact that you remain impervious to some of our powers hints at that. But there won't be any way to know for certain until you're turned. Alice's visions have only revealed you with the red eyes of a newborn. Nothing more." Another flash of pain. But this time he pushed it back almost as quickly as it had come. He was getting quite good at doing that recently. Instead his eyes took on a look of determination, and he met Bella's gaze purposefully as his hands came up to rest on her shoulders.

"Powers or no, I'm not going to let anything happen to you," he said, his voice filled with promise. He was thinking of Aro's words and the interest in the vampire's eyes as he had looked at Bella and realized she was different. If the Volturi returned, they'd have to go through him if they wanted Bella. And Edward realized with some trepidation that if Bella did indeed turn out to have some sort of power when she became a vampire that Aro would no doubt want to try and persuade her to join him. But he wouldn't allow that to happen. Like he said, powers or no.

His eyes softened as he looked at her, and he felt his tense stance begin to loosen. "I don't want you to be afraid, love," he told her softly. "No matter what happens, I will always love you. Nothing in the world could change that. Human or vampire...it doesn't matter. And it doesn't matter because you'll always be my Bella. In here," he said, placing his hand above her heart. "Always."

[Bella Cullen]

Bella giggled at Edward’s comment about Mike. “I can imagine him doing that. He definitely loathed you and had a crush on me, and he didn’t hide any of it. Still, to this day I don’t know why he kept trying. I felt so bad when I let him down, but you totally beat him, I every way possible.” She said cupping her hand over his.

Bella welcomed all of Edward’s embraces and bathed in his affections. She took all he said to heart.

A smile spread across her face as his velvet voice whispered. “Always,” while placing his hand above her heart. She consequently, put her warm hand over his cold one. Bella gazed up into his sparkling, gold eyes. “I too, will always love and be with you. No matter what it takes! I truly know that now.” She told him with sincerity.

“I do have a few more questions that I have been wondering and pondering about…ever since the fight.” Bella paused and looked deep into his eyes for a moment then continued. “Will I be as powerful…and thirsty as those newborns were? Will…I be like Brea?” She asked hesitantly putting emphasize on the name for she knew too well. She could remember that night like it was yesterday. So many things had happened….the fight, Jacob, the Volturri. She wanted to forget that had ever happened, but she knew she never would.

When she was done wallowing in her own thoughts, she looked to Edward again to see what his response was. She knew he probably didn’t want to drag their conversation down this road, but she did and she knew she had to. “I know you once told me that I wouldn’t have to worry because you…and everyone, they would train me, but still…how Edward?” She murmmed, the last part more to herself.

Taking her hand off Edward’s, she gently moved it to its previous position on her chin, cupping her cheek. Bella leaned against it, taking in the cold temperature that was held in it. She slowly closed her eyes and took it in.

This was one of the things she was going to miss…the warmth against the cold. In a month it would be the cold against the cold, and no warmth would reach them on the outside. The only heat they would have would be on the inside, inside of both of them, bubbling and never to be released.

"So where do you want to go next? Do you want to see if we can get into the school and walk around?" She asked him lightly. "Actually, yes. Let's do that, unless you have any objections."

At that she turned to Edward to see what is choice in the matter would be.

[lara]

"I want you to ask questions," Edward murmured, relishing in the warmth that traveled from her fingers to his. "I want you to be prepared for this if it's what you really want. I want you to know everything there is to know. And I want you to know because you have the option of knowing. That's something none of us had. But you...you have a choice." Edward held her gaze with his own intense one. He felt the familiar ache from somewhere deep within him as he studied her features. After a long moment his expression smoothed and he smiled, but it was somewhat humorless. "But I believe you're well aware of that by now," he said softly.

He straightened and sighed, creasing his brow as he collected his thoughts. "Yes, you will be as powerful and as...thirsty...as Bree was," he began carefully. "But Bree didn't have guidance. At least not the kind that you'll have. I’m going to do everything in my power to make this transition as easy as possible for you, Bella. Although, the strength issue might present a bit of a problem…” he said, frowning slightly. “I’m going to have to keep Emmett close at hand. You’ll probably be sick of him by the time the year’s through,” he grinned. But the laughter slowly began to fade from his eyes as another, much more serious thought occurred to him.

“Bella…as much as it pains me to tell you this, you need to know that sooner or later we all…slip. Especially in that first year. There is no such thing as right or wrong in a newborn’s mind. There is only a desperate, violent thirst. Carlisle, of course, was an exception to this, but his resolve is one that is almost unheard of in our kind,” he said, swallowing hard and gripping her hand tighter. He hated telling her this. Hated himself for being the one to expose the horrors of his existence to her. His angel. How would he ever be able to forgive himself for cursing her to this life? He briefly closed his eyes against the pain of that thought and composed himself before he met her gaze again.

“But Bella, listen to me, I promise you that I will do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn’t happen. If I have to move heaven and earth to do it, then I will. I only need you to know that if something does happen…it’s not your fault.” He lifted their clasped hands and brushed his cheek across the back of her hand, feeling her warmth again. “None of this will ever be your fault,” he whispered. Edward knew that he and he alone would be the one to blame. He was the one bringing her into this. Nothing, not even Bella, could convince him to see things differently.

He had to smile when Bella pulled his hand back to her face, leaning against it much as he had just done with hers. He brought his other hand forward and gently cupped her face in his hold, leaning down to brush his lips against her forehead. As they stood there in each other’s presence, silent and peaceful, he wondered for the millionth time if she knew just how much she really meant to him.

Bella was the first to break the quiet that had fallen around them, and his eyebrows rose at her suggestion.

“Breaking and entering?” he asked, tutting with mock disapproval. “What would Chief Swan think?”

A slow grin caught his lips and he deftly placed his hand on the small of her back as he led them in the direction of the nearest building. A quick glance at their surroundings assured him they were quite alone.

“No objections,” he answered her as they walked. “You should know by now that I’m almost entirely incapable of saying no to you.” He smiled down at her as they reached the door to the school.

“Besides,” he went on, studying the entrance for a moment before a movement much too fast for human eyes to see caused a soft thunk to emit from the metal door that now swung open before them. He turned once more to face her and smiled crookedly. “I can always break you out of jail if we get arrested.”

He stepped to the side and held the door open for her, still smiling. “After you, love.”

[Bella Cullen]

Bella giggled at his funny predictions. "You are so funny!" She said burrowing her head in his chest. "I really dought my dad would arrest me, but I wouldn't put it past Charlie to arrest you though." She told him as she entered their old high school.

Once she and Edward were both in. she ran.

Once she had gotten half way down the hall, Bella spun back around and smiled. She looked around her. Bella gazed at the walls, at the lockers, at the classroom doors, at the offices, and lastly at the hallway itself. All of it brought back memories of what had happened there.

She could now see the students walking in and out and the hustle and bustle that once was, but was no more. Bella could see her friends, Angela, with Ben, Jessica, Mike, and also Lauren, Tyler and Eric. They were all human and would stay that way forever, but not she. Bella was going to never be human again. She would never see those people again.

Bella slowly walked back to Edward and fell against him. “Do you want to go to the cafeteria?” She asked. Bella didn’t know why she wanted to go there, but it just seemed right. “Oh, and can you call Alice? I want her here. I want to ask her some things, you know while we are the three of us alone. Can you do that?” She asked, looking up questionably at him.

“I want to talk with both of you about after, about college, about our “honeymoon”. Is that alright with you Edward?” She asked she knew she would do it, no matter what he said.

[lara]

Edward laughed as he watched Bella sprint away from him down the dimly lit corridor. It would have been easy for him to catch up with her, but he didn't. Instead he slowed to a stop and observed her from afar with the merest hint of a soft smile upon his lips. She was deep in studying her surroundings and didn't notice him watching her. He imagined she was reliving memories of their high school years. Would she miss them? They would be her last years as a human. The thought brought a shadow of sadness over him but he erased all traces of it the moment Bella returned to his side.

His arm snaked around her waist as he kissed her hair and smiled. "We can go wherever you wish, love."

Edward pulled back but his brow furrowed slightly at Bella's request that he call Alice. When she clarified the reason behind this he stiffened. But it was gone almost as quickly as it had come. He really needed to get used to this.

"Of course I can call her," he said as the smile slowly returned to his face. "I told you," he brought his lips to her ear and kissed the hollow beneath it, "I want you to ask questions."

Edward removed himself from her just enough to reach into his coat pocket for the sleek silver phone and bring it to his ear. A few murmured words and he snapped it shut, smirking a bit.

"She said 'what took you so long to call?' and that she'll be here shortly," he told her while taking her hand. "In the meantime let's move onward."

Edward smiled down at her and led the way. When they reached the cafeteria he sent a sweeping glance around the large room. It looked exactly the same, of course. He'd expected as much. What he didn't expect, however, was the rush of emotion that overcame him. This was where he'd first laid eyes on her. How strange it was to think about all that had happened between that day and now. It made his hand grip hers a little tighter.

"Come," he said softly, turning to her. "Let's sit."

He brought them to the same table they'd sat at the day he decided it was thoroughly useless trying to stay away from her. And like then he sat across from her, only this time his hand reached across the space for hers and laced their fingers together.

"I never did give you back did I?," he suddenly said, tilting his head at her as he grinned. But something in his expression changed. Slowly. His eyes fell to her delicate hand in his and his thumb began to idly trace the crescent shaped scar that marred the skin there. "I wonder if you regret it sometimes..." he said, almost inaudibly. "I'm extraordinarily selfish. I think about what my life would be like if you'd never come here and I realize just how empty a being I truly was before you. It makes me willing to do anything in my power to keep you by my side. Even though I know I'm the worst thing for you."

He looked up at her and tried to smile, but it was pained. "I love you, Bella. Very much."

He brought the hand he held to his lips and kissed it softly. The words that hung in the air between them didn't seem enough to fully express what he felt for her. They never did.

[Bella Cullen]

(Edward, I've changed something and after this were going to go to the Cullen's after this. Is that cool?)

Bella smiled at Edward tried to express how much he loved her, but she knew he couldn’t do it the way he wanted. “I love you, Bella. Very much." He said. She beamed and gazed into his eyes as he kissed the hand of hers that he held. For a moment there was silence as Bella gazed into Edward’s golden eyes.

Then there was a buzzing sound that came from her pocket. She about jumped out of her seat and looked around. She realized that it was her phone and quickly pulled it out of her pocket. She still had not gotten used to it for she hadn’t had it for long. Bella glanced at the caller id and it said “Alice”, therefore she answered.

“Hello?” She asked. There was no answer. Bella stared at the phone and then noticed that the little voice mail icon was flashing. She pushed it, watching Edward out of the corner of her eye. He was probably very amused at Bella’s stupidly when it came to technology. When she finally got to her voice mail, she listened.

Bella listened to Alice and her face melted. “Hey Bella, its Alice. I was hoping whenever you get done with Edward for the day if you wanted to come over and hang out with me. No shopping, I promise. Talk to you soon, bye.” Bella sighed and shut her phone.

“Alice wants us; well she wants me to go over to your house now, instead of her coming here. She said it would be easier. I guess I will call her back and say I’ll be there in a few minutes.” She told Edward. Therefore, Bella opened her phone once more and slowly dialed Alice’s number. Thankfully and surprisingly she got Alice’s voice mail.

“Hey Alice, its Bella. I just wanted to let you know that I got you message and am coming over as I speak. See you in a bit, bye.” Bella finished and hung up.

“I guess its time to go.” She told Edward, gradually getting up from her position and taking Edward’s hand.